The Good Guys, LLC

Session, Le Deuxième

"Uhh.. Whatever"

Setting off on their first – and last – intrepid adventure, the… daring heroes of “Uhh Whatever” set forth to delve into the dangerous dungeon of the Red Claw Depths.

On their way they encountered a beset elven maid and promptly rescued her wagon wheels from a ghastly goblin and his wretched wolf-drawn chariot.

Upon recovering their psychic meat-shield from the brink of death, they set out to the infamous Red Claw Depths.

After arriving they defended against a semi-successful broad-daylight goblin ambush, fought bravely against a swarm of common house vermin, did battle with an Ethereal Marauder over a deadly pit trap, sprang a bugbear-in-a-box, took advantage of the puzzle-solving capacities of previous dungeon-delvers, and were turned to stone by a Dastardly Drow Dispenser of Dark Arts.

What lies in the future for “Uhh Whatever”!? Probably not much.

Comments

A Diary Entry from Seifra Flintwagon, to be recorded sometime in the future, after a return to the flesh.

“Dear Diary,

I finally tried to do my father a favor by going on one adventure in his pointless guild, and what did I get for it? Turned to stone. I swear his whole business plan is idiotic. When he finally keels over and dies I’ll see the guild gets 10 times the money it does, and without all the pointless paper-work.

Can you believe they wanted me to fill out an application? Like he doesn’t know who I am!

Not just that, but Kaevos almost died four times on our adventure. The first time this goblin on some sort of moronic wolf-drawn carriage shot him. I was about to show the goblin the true meaning of nasty, brutish, and short, but the demon-bastard bard killed him with some kind of bladed whip first. That damn bard!

He tried to talk to me all the way to the dungeon. I swear he must have been trying to hit on me. Such a pervert. He kept asking me about why I was adventuring, how I knew Kaevos, what it was like being the daughter of Baetos Flintwagon. I could smell how much he wanted to get at that fortune. What a toad.

And then when he killed that goblin before I could punish it for hurting Kaevos I just wanted to rip his head off.
[A crude drawing of a horned-man’s throat being ripped out by a tall, shapely woman occupies the next several inches of the page.]

I swear, the way he talked, and the way that weird little man-bat kept looking at me whenever I pointed out how stupid everything was… it’s like they didn’t even realize that life is pain and all is darkness. Like, how out of touch can people be? Is it really just no one in the the entire world that sees how empty everything is!? I swear, Kaevos is the only tolerable person on the planet, and he does all his thinking with his biceps.

Just thinking about all this ignorance makes me sick. I think I’m going to stop eating for a week again. Maybe I can get a magic item out of it this time."

Session, Le Deuxième
Ghandi

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